I'm A Fool

I’m sorry in advance for my use of foul language. You do not have to read this.

I’m such an idiot. I really, really am. I think that, just because of a few moments, he should love me. I think that, because I thought loved him and he broke my heart, that I can place all the blame on him. I think that I’m he’s not being fair and that he’s the reason I feel like this, when I’m being a hypocrite. I mean honestly, I am so disgusted with myself and how childish I’ve been acting. It’s not necessarily the things I’ve said or done to him, it’s just what I’ve thought that’s the worst. I’m such a goddamn fool. I am disgusted with myself. I can’t believe how much of a goddamn hypocrite I am, you know? Every time I’d see someone saying how much they were hurting blah, blah, blah, I’d be like, “Yeah, yeah. What ever. You’re just blaming him for all your problems and you think he’s the reason you are like this. Yada, yada.” When I’m doing the same thing.
The same fucking thing!
I don’t know what the hell is wrong with my fucked up mind. I need to be shot. Right here, right now. I’m an idiot. I really am. I feel like I need to apologize to him, for thinking so ill of him all the time, for blaming him when he’s totally innocent to everything I accused him of, except breaking my heart, he did do that. But there was no malicious intent behind anything he did, but in my fucked up mind I refused to see that and I instead twisted everything around to make it seem like he’d really hurt me.
I had no reason to be acting like I did. No reason at all. I’m just fucked up.

I’d like to apologize to all of you who had to sit and listen to me whine and complain about how much pain I feel and how bad everything is. I don’t know why you guys even listen to me. So again, I apologize to all of you. I don’t know how you even made it this long listening to me whine like some kind of 10 year old. I’m almost 17 years old and I need to start acting like it!

I’m blessed to have friends like you guys who’ll support me even when I’m being irrational and critical. I honestly don’t know why you guys even listen to a bitch like me. I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve half the shit I have, yet I keep getting it. I feel like I need to be punished for what I’ve done, all the shit I’ve thought about other people and all my conceded acts, all that pain I caused other people before I got out of the that crowd, all the stupid things I’ve said to hurt my friends, all the stupid things I’ve done to lose my friends, all the things I should have done….

I’m an idiot. I really am. I mean…damn…I don’t even know what else to say. I’m repulsed with the way I’ve been acting. Forgive me if you can.

Thank you if you actually read all this. You are a good friend.